lundi 17 septembre 2012
I am exactly where I need to be
I spent much of today worrying and fretting about the phone call I should be receiving to inform me of where I thought I should be on Wednesday. The most difficult thing about learning that you have cancer is the waiting that comes along with the news. As soon as you have the mammography and are told there might be a "problem", an appointment is made so that you can get more specifications. You wait for that appointment to be set, and then you wait to go. When you do go, you are sent for tests, and wait for results. When you get those results, you need more tests done, and then you wait again. When all seems clear, you wait for the phone call that will inform you of when treatment begins. Essentially, all the time I spend waiting, around this issue and several others, is time not being present.
This evening, I went to meditation with a friend. The topic revolved around being here, now, this very moment, and accepting that we are exactly where we need to be. I realize that I spend most of my life thinking about what happened yesterday, and where I should be or want to be tomorrow. Today, this moment, here and now, I am rarely there. I should not be worried about exactly when I will be scheduled to begin treatment, because other people will figure that out for me in good time. All I have is today. This time I have is mine to live and to experience. I am most grateful for the reminders.